Mihi, pro serenus

Hate may be a strong word, but I really, really, really, really, don't like my body.

I want to be thin, I want to be seen as beautiful, sexy maybe, but that will never be.
I have a masculine square face, I'm over weight, spotty, flat-chested and ugly. I'm lower than plain, I'm ugly. I wish so hard that I could be seen as beautiful, and it hurts, I hope one day that there is a guy who will find me sexy, but I know hope is a lie. There was a reason that hope was in Pandora's Box and that's cause it can hurt deeper than anything else I've known.

I miss not eating, I miss the joy that came every morning as I weighed myself, I hate being this weak and dumb that I can;t find a way around it. I hate the state of my skin, it hasn't been perfectly clear in soooo long.

I hate the fact that I envy my Girlfriend so much, but she really is beautiful. To an artistic level, the heart shaped face, the big blue eyes with a sexy round almond shape, her long lashes. Everything is proportion beautifully. Yet she doesn't see it.