Mihi, pro serenus

Okay, so I've told her and am actually sat next to her writing this (though she's working).

So the boyfriend thing was just a metaphore for part of her self being held back. But I think, no I believe completely that I have upset her. She's said to me how she hates the past being brought up and that she wouldn't have done it herself. But she's not angry with me and I'm not sure which is worse?

I feel so bad, I didn't mean to pry, I was just curious. I just want to know more about her. A person's past shows how they became the person they are today. It can help show with whom you are dealing with to a degree. I dunno, she says I can ask her whenever, but it'll upset her (not that this way did much good either).

Maybe it's me with the problem. Me who can't let go of the past. When I get close to a person I tell them about my past, about my experiances. I feel that shows more about me then most other things. People then tend to do the same in return, but she can't. She can't remember much and what she does make her low.

I hate being this pathetic.

I hate being the problem. I hate these moodswings right now too.

I have no idea what I should do, how I should fix things, if I should do anything. But that's just being human I guess.

Maybe the worst thing out of it all is the fact that in the back of my mind all I can think is that I would be upsetting people if I was on my own. On my own, living life on my own strenght. People may miss me at first, but they'll get over it. Everyone leaves in the end anyway. Why hurt myself and other this way? On my own I know what I'm dealing with. I know who's at fault, I know I can't hurt anyone.

But could I go back to it? And is it all true?